DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
