Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
