No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
