I think my vagina is haunted
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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