walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
