So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
