I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
