Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
