At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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