bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
