What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
