don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
