Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You smell like stripper and shame
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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