He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
