I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
