Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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