I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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