we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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