My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
