Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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