Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
