just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
