I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
