dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
