if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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