Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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