He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
