You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
