So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i've created a new STD.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
