We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
