is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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