you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
