I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
