Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
