I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
