dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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