dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
