So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
