I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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