Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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