She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
