she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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