we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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