it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
