Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
