you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
