i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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