I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
