Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
