I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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