have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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