I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
