Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
