I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
