I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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